lmfao didn't even notice that , that would of been easier to check pateron to see how wrong he was
- Thread starter Jeevant
- Start date
- Oct 6, 2019
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- Jan 5, 2020
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He said it's going to be more like a kinetic novelwhy there is no choices ?
- May 27, 2020
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pretty cool so far but i assure you, you don't need to describe their facial expressions. novels describe those because there are no visuals. it makes the writing a bit amateurish. instead, use the renders to convey the expressions instead of writing *looks a bit troubled* or *blushes, happy* after a dialogue. use two frames with the only difference being the facial expression to sell it better, so it's obvious for the audience to see that their expression changed based on the context of the conversation or the environment.
then there's also the lack of writing in some parts. instead of a vividly written description of a scenery, there's times when all you get is a plain *clear night sky with sakura petals flying in the air*. i'm not expecting Shakespeare or anything, but you should try to at least be competent in writing non-dialogue stuff. after all, a kinetic novel is still a novel. the plot won't matter if the writing isn't on par with it.
there's also a scene where MC applies ointment on Ayase's back. instead of writing "Nnnggh! Ahh... *Ayase let out some moans*", just show it to the audience using MC's inner thoughts instead of being lumped in with the dialogue. a lot of my gripes with the game is it heavily relies on telling the audience instead of showing and implying it. "show don't tell" isn't a concrete rule, but it usually works. you must follow the rules before you can break them.
anyways, the plot is interesting and the visuals are great. overall, it's pretty good and seems real promising!
then there's also the lack of writing in some parts. instead of a vividly written description of a scenery, there's times when all you get is a plain *clear night sky with sakura petals flying in the air*. i'm not expecting Shakespeare or anything, but you should try to at least be competent in writing non-dialogue stuff. after all, a kinetic novel is still a novel. the plot won't matter if the writing isn't on par with it.
there's also a scene where MC applies ointment on Ayase's back. instead of writing "Nnnggh! Ahh... *Ayase let out some moans*", just show it to the audience using MC's inner thoughts instead of being lumped in with the dialogue. a lot of my gripes with the game is it heavily relies on telling the audience instead of showing and implying it. "show don't tell" isn't a concrete rule, but it usually works. you must follow the rules before you can break them.
anyways, the plot is interesting and the visuals are great. overall, it's pretty good and seems real promising!
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